If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
