there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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