We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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