first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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