i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My dick has a subreddit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
