I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
