The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
