just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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