Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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