Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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