I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
