I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
