oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
