I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
