Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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