I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
