i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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