I cockslap morals
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
