So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
