i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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