the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
