Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
