at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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