respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
