Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
