like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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