I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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