never play flip cup with pint glasses
i love accidental penises.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
