; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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