Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Houston, we have a blender
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
