i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
