i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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