Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
