you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My life is pants optional.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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