when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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