Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
