If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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