i think my mom watched the whole time
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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