Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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