Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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