i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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