once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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