8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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