I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
