new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
