I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
