I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
