I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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