Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
