I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
