i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
