I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
