She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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