Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry about my life...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
