so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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