You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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