I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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