Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
