Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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