so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
