I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
