just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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