Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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