Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
