No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
