Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
