Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
