pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
