No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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