I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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