if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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